I had a little daydream today while I was laying beside Jude as I was trying to get him down for his nap.  I’ve recently had some inner turmoil regarding the notion of having another baby.  Part of me never wants to go down that path again because it’s such a hard one, from start to finish, and then you actually have to raise the baby that comes at the end of it!!  The other part of me cannot see myself with only one child.  I still have feelings of longing and jealousy when I see pregnant women.  This conflict in my mind really troubles me.  As Jude fell asleep and I was looking at his beautiful little face, I remembered so distinctly how he looked when they handed him to me after birth, about what an absolute sacred and spiritual moment it was. A calm came over me and I suddenly felt the debate in my mind melt away.  I knew right then and there that I will have another baby someday.  I’m not going to stress about how or when, but I know it will happen.  I put this issue to bed along with my child – for now…

Jude had a really good day today, better than I’ve seen him in several weeks actually.  He seemed to be pain free and attempted lots of verbal communication and ate well.  The daily struggles with him really stress me out and take their toll on us all, so these respites are very welcome and exciting.

Sadly, I’m breaking out again despite taking care of my face before bed.

It was a cold and overcast in Austin today, but that means nothing to a toddler when they want to play outside.  I’m actually going to need cold weather gear this year because I will be sitting outside in the cold for hours and hours this Fall/Winter.  I always feel better for doing it though – a little sunshine and communion with nature.  It’s good for the soul and my poor, neglected kitty loves the company too.  Off to find a hat and gloves that a toddler will actually keep on his head and hands.

Exercise – The Trainer’s Edge: Integrated Strength Training with Jeffrey Scott, about 40 minutes with 3 lb. weights.

Mind/Body – Had a very nice Epsom salt bath with Clary Sage and Lavender essentials oils.  I even got a whole chapter read as Jude took a long nap today.

Diet – 114 lbs.

Breakfast – black/green/spearmint tea with milk, 2 fried eggs, 2 chicken breakfast sausages, 1 scoop cottage cheese

Lunch – Half a portion of oatmeal with butter, cinnamon, agave nectar, milk, and a tablespoon of almond butter.  Had it with half an apple and about 1/2 cup of cottage cheese.

Dinner – leftovers: coconut milk braised chicken and veggies over lentil pilaf
Snacks – 1/2 plum and handful of raw almonds, green/spearmint tea with milk, red grapes with a handful of almonds