I’m just a jumble of thoughts today, both positive and negative.  Starting with the positive, I managed to maintain my experiment during the holiday, for the most part.  I indulged in some chocolate and potatoes a few times and did not get as much exercise as I would have liked, but as of this morning, there has been no weight gain and my body still looks slim and toned.  I was able to wear special holiday clothes that I have saved and stored away from the last ten years.  This honestly feels better that buying and wearing something brand new to me.  In the very same breath, I am feeling excited to be looking towards pregnancy again.  I finally got my body back post pregnancy and I’m going to stretch it all back out again, but I know from experience that it’s worth it.

I asked for gifts this year that would help me with my health goals.  I got a very nice selection of essential oils, including expensive ones that I would not normally buy for myself.  I also got an electronic aromatherapy room diffuser and a great book about how to use essential oils for health and home.  It’s really a fascinating topic and something I’ve been wanting to know more about for many years.  I also got lots of tea making supplies and equipment.  I’ve been really getting into nice teas lately and I’m excited to take it to the next level considering I partake in a nice cup several times a day.  From the beginning, tea has been part of this experiment in regards to the medicinal benefits of green tea and spearmint for PCOS.  I also have a cup of tea with a little milk as a treat when I would normally be looking for something sweet to snack on.   The ritual of tea making and drinking is enough to satisfy these cravings most of the time.

As for the negative, considering going down the path to actually getting pregnant brings up a lot of anxiety for me considering my past traumas.  I’ve sort of lost faith that this experiment will end in a pregnancy for me.  I don’t even feel confident that I will ovulate naturally.  I’m still planning on completing the full 6 months and to continue many of the lifestyle changes, hopefully for life, but I’m having a hard time feeling the optimism that I had in the beginning.  Maybe it’s because it’s grey outside.  Maybe it’s because I have a cold.  Maybe it’s because my acne is HORRENDOUS.  Whatever it is, I’m hoping it’s just a phase and I can feel hopeful about my PCOS progress again.