8/28/10

Woke up feeling a little muted today and later found myself getting a bit short tempered.  This is about par for the course for me, I’m afraid, as I reach about half way through the luteal phase.  PMS sets in early, when I actually do ovulate that is, and that is incredibly infrequently.  A stable mood is one of the goals in this experiment that I am hoping to enjoy some day.  My acne is bad still, but that’s also normal for this point in the cycle.  In more uplifting news, the fam went to the pool today and my tummy looked dramatically smaller than it did two weeks ago.  I could see my silhouette in the windows and was not horrified like last time.  I actually feel less puffy and large all over my body, despite a small weight loss thus far.

Exercise – Swam for exercise for about 20-30 minutes and played with husband and son for the rest of the hour.

Mind/Body – Had a truly staggering emotional breakthrough.  An old friend came to visit today and announced she was pregnant.  Because she is a sweetheart and sensitive to my troubles in the past, she called my Mom beforehand to see if she thought I would be able to handle the news.  To my amazement, all I felt was surprise and excitement for her and absolutely no jealousy.  This is HUGE for me.  I can finally say that I have let go of some of the pain and grief from losing my first baby and the fear that I may not have another baby after Jude.  I am no longer willing to do ANYTHING for another baby, especially at the sacrifice of my health and the well being on my family.  I feel happy and content with what I have.  I started this experiment to heal my body, but it’s my heart that was the first to heal.

Diet – 114.5 lbs.

Breakfast – tea with milk.  two black bean, cheese, avocado, and bacon breakfast tacos on corn tortillas

Lunch – Huge salad with fruit, veggies, cheese, and a tad of avocado.  lentils.

Dinner – Shrimp, veggie, and white bean cassoulet

Snacks – cottage cheese, 1/3 Bumble bar, cashews, freeze dried apple